Why My Sister’s A Wicked Cheerleader

I was going to do a ghost or a short movie post but my sister really did it big time tonight so I thought I’d post this instead.

I took a taxi to Bigs house, we went to Pizza Hut and into Tesco for some munchies and a DVD.  While there I got a text from an unfamiliar number asking what DVD I was buying.  I tried calling the number, no answer.  I thought of my sister right away because she was going shopping but usually goes to the Asda near her house and I figured if she was going to Coatbridge she might have given me a lift and saved me the taxi fare.  

I went through all my relatives with mobile phones until I called her to ask if it was her husband, my brother-in-law who was in Coatbridge but she denied the whole thing pretending to be home.  She eventually admitted it as a huge practical joke perpetrated by herself.  At first I brushed it off but the more I thought about it, the more it bugged me.  I hated high school, I had a rotten, horrible, bullied and picked on time at high school.  But you think you escape it and thats it, no more mean pranks, especially not from your ‘cheerleader’ sis who had a great time torturing geeks and being oh-so popular during her school years.

This is the girl who taunted me for not knowing what the word ‘nonce’ means.  I’d never heard it before until ‘Life on Mars’ and in that context it basically means ‘ponce’.  Apparently modern day police programmes (that I’d rather stick hot pokers in my eye than watch) make ‘nonce’ something more sinister.  Now, in my books, if it’s not in the dictionary it’s not a word so is therefore irrelevant if I know what it means or not.  Making fun of someone who doesn’t know what a made up pop cultural word is reminiscent of stupid girls in the playground having a go at those who don’t know what certain ‘bad’ words mean.

Anyway, I get in tonight and Dad thinks what she did was great and how him and her are ‘one of a kind’, too quick for the likes of me.  That’s where he’s wrong, it’s not about being quick or being funny.  If I saw her first, the thought of doing what she did wouldn’t even occur to me, I would have (like any NORMAL person) went up and said hi and perhaps got a helpful lift back to my boyfriend’s house.  I would not have skulked about a supermarket hiding around shelves while making her look like an idiot in front of her husband.

Making an arse of me is one thing, doing to me in front of Big is just unfair and sent me right back to being that geeky little undesirable schoolgirl used to being picked on!

Thanks Big sis, you really screwed me over good, hope you got your chuckles worth.

Just To Keep Up The Habit…

I fully intended on doing a huge post about ghosts in photographs (my friend took a rather chilling one) but decided to instead put my short film up in my new .Mac account and link it to show y’all.  Now I need to go to bed with neither of these goals accomplished but I promise tomorrow I’ll have it all up and running, I swear.

Yes, this post is pointless but I need to get into the habit of blogging everyday or I’ll leave it for months like I did before.  Watch this space…or the one above it!

Sex and the – lack of a – City

Okay so I don’t own any Jimmy Choos or Manolo Blahniks, I haven’t been published in either newspaper or book and I don’t have a solid group of female friends.  All that said I do have a few similarities to a SATC heroine.

The first being my recent acquisition of a rampant rabbit vibrator, made famous by the series.  I didn’t buy it, I won it tonight at an Anne Summers party.  Good night, great laugh.  For some reason people think I’m shy, quiet, virginal and slightly prudish…um, no!  Believe I left some jaws hanging.  I won’t go into details but I may just retain the item for a rainy day.

The second similarity is between Carrie and Big and me and, well, my Big.  He occasionally reads this blog so I need to be a bit careful about what I say.  We first met (almost three years ago) he was my first real boyfriend and my first…well, you get the point, lot of firsts with that one.  Like a plot straight out of season one, I wanted something real and he was emotionally unavailable, moody, secretive, withholding and arrogant, exactly my type.  We split up for reasons I won’t get into after a few months, almost got back together two years ago but lost contact again until last year we started talking on Bebo, met up a few times as ‘friends’ which gradually slid into us officially going out again.  Do not ask me how it happened, think he Derren Brown’d me.  Anyway, we’re now doing well, convinced him to do Christmas, AND Valentine’s Day.

But, you can’t have Big without Aiden and I think that’s who Big’s turned into now, all lovey dovey and smooshy and minus the commitment phobia which is good.  All girls have their ‘Bigs’, the guys they always go back to despite how emotionally destructive the relationship is.  Once in a blue moon, however, a ‘Big’ can realise the error of their ways and become an Aiden, or, in my case, a Big-Aiden Hybrid. All the alluring traits of Big with none of the oh-so-fun withholding of affection.

 

WiiFit and Me

Just got this today and thanks to my nephew’s obsession with ‘Ravin’ Rabbids’ I only got half an hour with it but what I saw I definitely like.  Such a good idea, an exercise coach in the comfort of your own home.  I actually cancelled my Gym membership (that I used exactly once in two months) because it was superfluous.  You can’t (or won’t) go to the gym every day just to do half an hours training.

The included WiiBoard (I have to find out if you can add more than one) has a scale in it so it can measure both your weight and your BMI (Body Mass Index) just by standing on it.  It tells you the average and overweight levels are and gives you a healthy time target to get to your desired BMI.  This obviously includes training each day and keeping track of your progress.  One disheartening part of it , however, is how it mirrors your weight to your Mii, extending the tummy to make it look like a wee blob.  Of course it’s for kids too so they’re not going to emphasise chest and ass, the two places fat gather to have a good time but still, that wee tubby Mii kinda mocks you.

The fitness exercises are great.  The more serious ones include Yoga, Aerobics and Muscle conditioning while the more fun sections have tightrope walking, downhill slalom and ski-jump.  You also get a virtual coach of your choice, a buff muscle man or a skinny little miss.  

All in all a fantastic idea in both concept and execution.  Even at almost £70 a pop it’s still cheaper than two months gym membership and it’s in the comfort of your own home.  You don’t have to psych yourself up to get ready and head down to the gym to wait about for the machines to become free or feel self-conscious at all the poseurs exercising in baby oil and full make-up.  You can do as much or as little as you like and pack it away when you’re done.  No muss, no fuss.

Komedy Episodes and Why They Suck!

Komedy is another one of Anhara’s made up, word a day rants so be patient with me on this one.  The word is spelt with a ‘K’ is to denote the fact that it’s bottom self, imitation product.  You know when your favourite television series does an episode that’s played for laughs and not much else, doesn’t move the season arc forward or have any real point other than to make the writers feel that they might be funny.  I thought this was just in sci-fi/fantasy shows but when I was informed by my Dad that CSI: Motherwell (jk) did one recently I just had to do a blog about it.

Okay, I’ll admit that Stargate SG-1 Seasons 4-10 put me off a lot of things that wouldn’t have bothered me before, ’ship being the major one.  However there are several Komedy episodes in the 10 season run, the major ones being the three part ‘Marty’ arc.  Now as much as I love Sex and the City I cannot stand the character of Stanford and by association, Willie Garson and mostly based on his involvement in the Komedy arch of Stargate that spanned six seasons.  I would argue that anything past season three SG-1 was a joke anyway but these ones really got under my skin.  The reason?

The writers are simply not that funny.  The tragedy is that they are convinced that they are.  Peter DeLuise is funny so he’s exempt from this as one of the Bridge Boys I don’t want to shake hard.  The others are immature, geeky little boys who think it’s fun to mock the fans and the lesser members of the cast at every opportunity.  They seem to care more about pushing their agenda than telling a story.  The actors on the other hand are funny, Michael Shanks and Christopher Judge are a scream in the same room just reacting to each other and an audience.  Richard Dean Anderson is hilarious and Amanda Tapping’s…well…isn’t she pretty?  David Hewlett, although an Atlantis character was always great in SG-1 where his character was used primarily to demonstrate how brilliant, brave and smart Spam (like e-mail messages you get lots of) Carter is.

I actually had the chance to air these thoughts to Rob Cooper when I saw him in the Mirage in Las Vegas a couple of years ago.  I was tempted to boot him in the shin but didn’t want to give him the pleasure of having someone recognise him.  Also, he was wearing and SG-1 crew T-shirt…someone wanted to be noticed. 

Comedy is a very hard thing to write, comedy series have double the writers of a drama series and they are constantly in rotation.  It’s a different skillset to Drama which is why it’s horribly arrogant of a drama writer to decide he can write comedy and use an inappropriate format, a drama series, to do so.  Now, that said, a few shows have managed to get over this.  Supernatural’s comedy episodes are actually bloody hilarious, slow-dancing with aliens, that still makes me laugh loud.  Also the episode where Dean keeps dying in more and more creative ways doesn’t sound like a basis for a good chuckle but it was funny and the shift to pathos where he seemed to die for good was a great twist from funny to really tragic.

The X-Files are also a good example.  Never really watched many but there was this one I saw some of while I was waiting to be picked up for lunch.  The one with vampires and Mulder and Scully telling their side of the story and how they both viewed the same events.  That was very well done and I’m still looking for that episode to see all of it.  According to my friend Kev there’s some kind of writer link between the X-Files and Supernatural that I don’t know but it might explain the chemistry and how well the characters mesh together in both series.

Anything by Joss Whedon always has an element of humour but it never takes centre stage, except maybe the episode Angel was turned into a muppet.  Now THAT was genius.  Joss is untouchable anyway, he can break the rules and rebuild them as often as he wants because he is the mighty Whedon.

So, the lesson for today?  Don’t try for comedy if all you can manage is Komedy!

Planet of the Very G-Ood

Just watched the latest episode of Doctor Who on teleport replay with the return of the Ood.  Again a very encouraging episode, the only negative comment I have is the ‘next week’ preview which sees the return of Martha snoring Jones.

Anyway, back to the Ood.

I liked the two parter from season two with the Ood and am glad they were brought back for what was a very exciting, entertaining and thought provoking episode.  Donna’s proving a tremendous asset to the show as an ordinary human, no super powers, no special knowledge or ability (like Martha’s leap from trainee Doctor to Surgeon General and next week seasoned military commander).  I’m liking this season.

The social commentary was interesting in this one, the slavery issue was clever since we were led to believe that the Ood sought servitude when really they were lobotomised into it.  Of course we still have sweat shops in existence today, a point the Doctor made to Donna and they flourish for the same reason the Ood farms did, nobody wants to think about it.  Usually cultural issues on Doctor Who are applied with sledgehammer in hand but it was handled much more deftly in this episode.  

Unfortunately I can only usually prattle on when I DON’T like something hence this short post.  

5/5 for this episode as I could find nothing wrong with it.

NuNuNuNu Who!

Nu – Eccleston

NuNu – Tennant

NuNuNu – Martha Jones (dunno her real name)

NuNuNuNu – Tate

Now, last series of Dr Who was (aside from the John Simm episodes) very disappointing indeed, there was no drama.  Martha spent so much time tapdancing for the Doctor’s approval that she forgot to debate with him, tell him when he’s being wrong and inhuman.  This made for very dull TV.

After having watched the first two episodes of the new series I am finding the old magic slowly returning to the series.  Donna doesn’t have any kind of romantic interest in the Doctor so isn’t afraid to go toe-to-toe with him on the issues, yell at him and make him see the error of his ways.  

Keep up the good work.

Captain’s John and Jack, hot or bad slashfic?

I love my slashy subtext I do but when it is subtext, anything more obvious is text and is therefore not slashy.  Slashiness has to involve a certain degree of audience participation and interpretation or it’s not slash, it’s homoerotic text.

Now, I love James Marsters, have done since he crashed through the ‘Welcome To Sunnydale’ sign but his involvement in season two of Torchwood just made me cringe.  It read like bad slash-fiction by a writer who’s goal was to write a Jack/Spike piece.  His character was there to capitalise on the Whedon-verse connection and fulfill RTD’s fantasy that he might just be a fraction as good as the mighty Joss.  

The rest of Season two never really wowed me either, Gwen spent most of it acting like a complete bitch to poor Reece, Martha was paraded in to show us that Davies didn’t write a bad character, she just didn’t ‘fit’ into the Who universe (I think it was telling that one of the best episodes of the season was one where the Doctor and Martha were barely in).  But she was praised up and down by everyone, Davies cramming how great she is into the mouths of the characters hoping we as an audience buy it (it didn’t work for Mallozzi with Jonas Quinn, it ain’t gonna work for Martha).  Owen’s whole dead, not dead, dead seesaw became tiresome, Tosh was reduced to a mere schoolgirl with a crush and Ianto became someone else entirely.  It wasn’t good, at all, and axing two characters for the sake of ‘drama’ was unnecessary.  In my books, if you can’t write a truly moving, riveting and dramatic episode without killing a character you’re not a very good writer.

All in all, a disappointing second series which promised so much and delivered so little.

North Lanarkshire Council is VERY Corrupt…

Remember my earlier post, about the council being corrupt?  Well I just got further proof.  I actually got an interview recently for two library assistant part time posts, one in Bellshill and the other one in Coatbridge/Whifflet.  I gave (what I was later told) a great interview but the jobs went to people with Library experience already.  Okay.  So, while I had the lady on the phone I decided to be adult about it and ask if there was any way I could get feedback on my interview, pointers to make it better for next time.  I was told no, I did a perfect interview I just didn’t have the experience.  For anyone not already caught up so far I did great but the events were out of my control I just didn’t have the experience, okay, fair enough, it’s what I want(ed) to do, I want(ed) to be a Librarian and I want(ed) to be C.I.L.I.P qualified so yes I’ll do work experience, I asked if there were opportunities going.

I was told no, the council was restructuring and there were no work experience placements.  We all caught up?  Not only did I not have the experience I can’t get it either.  If this was a private company, fine, how they do business is their concern but this is the council.  We all pay their wages, it should be fair and transparent and open to all, not a select little club of people already in the door.  This might seem like the bitter rant of someone who didn’t get the job they wanted but believe me it’s not, it’s frustration.  Frustration that they’re constantly getting away with keeping it in the clique, not letting in outsiders.  Wouldn’t be surprised if she peeked at my religious declaration and I didn’t do the proper handshake when we met.

I am so tired of everyone shrugging and saying ‘well, that’s what the council’s like’, that’s not good enough for me anymore, i want people to rise up against the corruption to make it known to roll some heads if need be and I really hope the nepotistic woman who passed me over (probably for her niece) is reading this because I want her to know that I am looking into this and I am gathering information and as soon as I have what I need I am coming to put an end to the Council’s cronyism and she’ll have no cronies to hide behind when that day comes.

* – I know all the councils are the same but I named the specific council and libraries for emphasis.

Lazarus Has Returned…

Yep, after a few months of fighting off evil racoon monsters from a nearby village I have returned ready to blog my ass off about anything and everything, including NuNuNuNu Who (a Nu for each major change, from Eccleston to Tate); Moonlight; Battlestar and any other series I feel moved to rant about.

But first a bit on what I’ve been up to…

Right now I’m working as a receptionist for a parcel delivery company, I start at 9, finish at 5, get all my work done by about two and watch Sex and the City on my Ipod until finishing time.  Of course, as an aspiring screenwriter I do often use this enforced time away from a PC to scribble some ideas but as most writers will tell you, the hardest thing about writing is applying bum to chair.  My Uncle’s desperate to get me some Oracle training to earn the big bucks like him, I’m talking £20k per annum to start but I’m not interested.  I don’t want to be a computer programmer regardless of the money, 20k is nothing if you hate what you do and don’t get any time with the stuff you’ve bought when you’re in hotels every week.

I have almost finished paying off my overdraft and when that’s done NEW MAC TIME, well, that and a new car when this job finally becomes permanent.  I just need a wage coming in while I be creative on the side, start up a net series, get some interest and earn a living doing what I love, away from the corrupt old boys club that is television production and the Council (see next post).